


Distant

by jellijeans



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Gen, also MAJOR SPOILERS FOR FIRE EMBLEM: FATES BIRTHRIGHT, and selena and odin are mentioned like literally once but it touches a bit on laslow and peri, but mostly laslow and peri, i.e. laslow selena odin and peri, there are a few other characters in the end but they're only there for like 0.5 seconds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-07
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:09:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7412578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellijeans/pseuds/jellijeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the last thing xander would like to be towards his siblings is distant, because he only wishes to protect his siblings—but after corrin chooses hoshido over nohr, it seems the only thing their family is doing is growing apart, and the only thing xander finds himself doing is hurting his siblings more than anything else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distant

**Author's Note:**

> see i told you guys i would write fe again

Xander recalls perhaps the one time he and Camilla had an honest, down-to-earth discussion about how their siblings viewed him. Crown prince, she said. Honorable. Idol.  
Perhaps the word that stuck out the most to him was _distant_.

He doesn’t want to be distant.  
He wants to be, more than anything, a protector to his siblings. He loved them— _loves_ them—more than the rest of Nohr, although he would never tell that to Father. He does not want to be distant in the way their father was—he was the string that tied the family together, all with different mothers, although that string was worn down and threadbare. Something changed in their father, and although he, Leo, and Camilla were perhaps the only ones old enough to know it, it was true.

When he was king, would he be that kind of ruler? Would he forget his siblings, his family?  
Why?

It’s when Corrin leaves that he begins to understand the rage, the hatred for Hoshido that his father feels. It’s when Corrin leaves Nohr for Hoshido, joining the siblings she can’t even remember, that Xander bites at his lip so hard it bleeds and feels tears stinging at his eyes and suddenly this pain is the only thing he knows, the only thing he did know, because all the happy times with Corrin are gone.

His little princess is gone.  
His little princess is gone, and there is nothing he can do about it.

He dedicates his time to training. Sometimes, he takes Leo with him, although there is one conversation with Leo that makes him realize the difference between him and his younger brother. Leo is practicing using Brynhildr on one of the patches of grass circling the training grounds, wielding the power of life itself in his magic, as Xander takes a break from sword practice. Leo is so different from who he usually is at this moment—at this moment, Leo is at peace, sitting cross-legged and drawing up small saplings and wildflowers from the ground and humming a tune quietly. After a second, Leo pauses, falling silent.  
“Brother, the path you are taking...it isn’t right.”  
“Leo?”  
Leo stares at him coldly. Their father’s traits run strong in him—he looks very similar to King Garon when he was younger, and this only makes Leo more intimidating at this moment.  
“You heard me. What is this war for? The sake of our dying father, desperate and delirious in his final days?” Leo pauses, taking a moment to brush a curl of blonde hair out of his face, and then meets Xander’s gaze once again. “For Corrin?”  
“Why would it matter if I’m fighting to get Corrin back?” Xander spits angrily. He hears the familiar clang of metal as Leo adjusts himself, the plates of his armor rattling against each other.  
“You know this is not what Corrin would want, Xander.”

It’s rare to hear Leo call Xander anything but “Brother”, or occasionally, “dear older brother” if he’s being snarky or sarcastic. But never Xander. Leo never calls his brother Xander.

“Leo, I’m fighting to bring Corrin _home_. Isn’t that what you want? For Corrin to be home again, and to let us live the way we were before? We were _happy_ , Leo.”  
“ _We_ may have been happy, but Corrin wasn’t. Corrin wasn’t happy trapped in the Northern Fortress all that time, and we all knew it. Perhaps she would have been happy if not for Father, but he...” Leo stops talking for the briefest of moments, unable to continue. “I do want Corrin to be at home, and to be at peace with herself. But...if Corrin is strong of will, and correct in her decisions—which she always has been, and no doubt still is—then Hoshido is her home, and Hoshido is where she can be happy. That’s what matters.”

It’s the rage that causes Xander to draw out his blade and swing the divine weapon without thinking, because he can’t possibly imagine a world where Corrin wasn’t happy. She had all the things she could have desired. Servants, food, water, armor, training grounds, an entire castle to herself!  
She did not have a loving family.  
This is what Xander realizes when his sword is caught in the middle of a thick tree trunk mid-swing.

Behind the tree's leafy branches, he can see his brother up on one knee, having shot up by reflex. Brynhildr is snapped open and his hand still outstretched from casting the spell, and there are tears in his eyes. Xander feels his stomach drop when he sees a tear roll down Leo’s cheek.  
“ _You monster_ ,” Leo hisses. He quickly casts another spell, taking life away from the tree and the saplings and the wildflowers just as quickly as he had given it to them, and runs off without another word. He kills off almost all of the grass surrounding the plants, too, leaving a large patch of dead grass where he was previously standing. Xander reaches down and plucks one of the dead wildflowers from its stalk, watching the wilted petals blow off the stem and vanish with the breeze.  
The difference between he and Leo is much the same as the difference between their weapons. Brynhildr can both take and give life, but Siegfried can only take. Amidst all of this suffering, Leo has still been merciful even through his pain. He has fought in battles even against Corrin, and taken life there, struck down countless soldiers, but when he returns to Nohr, he is gentle with Elise, gentle with Camilla—even a supporting shoulder for Xander. Sometimes, he goes out with Elise and brings food rations to the people of Nohr, starving and hungry in a country desperate for resources, or provides support and tips for the struggling soldiers-in-training, the two of them a small light in a world of dark.  
What has Xander done?  
He has become more distant, more isolated, more angry. He has lost the compassion he once had, and he knows this to be true. He has taken so many lives, too many lives to count, in battle—and he has returned home only to take out his anger and his frustration on the training field at home. He has not gone out and fed the poor, the starving, the impoverished—he has not been gentle with his siblings.  
Xander yearns to go after Leo, to apologize, to fall at Leo’s feet and tell him everything, how much he’s hurting and how much he just wants his little princess back—  
—but Leo is already gone.

Xander stops taking Leo with him to train.

Later, Xander decides to stop by Camilla’s room. Maybe they can share another heartfelt conversation, something to make him feel slightly less like Crown Prince Xander and more like Older Brother Xander. He knocks on the door, expecting Camilla’s usual, bouncy voice to ring back, and then is surprised but not surprised at the same time when he hears a quiet murmur of “you may come in”.  
He is reminded that Camilla hasn’t left her room in days. The only times she leaves her room now are only to fetch Elise if she’s been out for too long—and that was long ago, because Elise has started going further and further from the castle and Camilla’s motivation to find her—to do anything, really—has become less and less. The princess stops leaving her room even for food, simply requesting for the servants to bring it to her, but even Xander notices that it simply doesn’t feel right to have servants in the house that aren’t Jakob, Felicia, or Flora—Jakob could be stubborn and unpleasant, Felicia was a rather despicable maid, and Flora was a perfectionist in her work to the point of concern, but...the castle doesn't feel right without them.

“Camilla?” Xander asks quietly. His sister, lying face-up on the bed, lets out an exhale, not responding with words but simply an acknowledgement at what he’s said. “Camilla...do you—”  
“—miss Corrin?” Camilla says suddenly. Her voice is scratchy and unused, far different from the powerful voice that Xander remembers whenever he thinks of her. He nods, Camilla glancing at him to register his response. “Yes. I miss Corrin more than the world.” She falls silent for a moment. “...I almost joined her, Xander, but Leo stopped me. But...if Corrin is happy, then I, too, am...happy.” Camilla’s axe is rested up against the wall, and Xander can only assume her wyvern is being cared for in the stables. Her weapons, too, are left unused—a disturbing state for possessions of Camilla’s. “Xander, should anyone come in contact with Corrin, whether that’s a messenger or a discovered scout—please, tell them that they are not to inform Corrin of my...circumstance. The last thing I would want is for little Corrin to worry,” Camilla says plainly. “Xander, we’re all tired of the fighting. Me, Elise. Even Leo.”  
Xander already knows Leo is tired of the fighting, but he doesn’t interrupt her.  
“We don’t...we don’t want to fight anymore. There’s no purpose. Father is insane in his dying days, and once he’s gone, we can...we can finally stop, right?” The princess swallows, reaching a hand up briefly at the ceiling before letting it drop down to her side. “If...Corrin has chosen Hoshido as her home, she deserves to belong there. Once Father is gone, promise me you’ll stop this madness. Even if Corrin is not in Nohr, she deserves happiness. It breaks my heart to know she was not happy in Nohr—gods know we tried our hardest to make her happy—but if she is happy in Hoshido, I don’t want to ruin that happiness.”  
“I...” Xander doesn’t know how to respond, because he knows that following his heart will not make anyone happy. It will not repair the bond he broke with Leo that day in the training fields—they have not spoken more than a few words to each other since then—and it will not cure Camilla from her depression, and it will not bring Elise back home and make her happy to be in the castle instead of roaming around Windmire. “I can’t promise that, Camilla. I’m sorry.”  
“Xander,” Camilla begins, her voice soft, and yet filled with steel and anger, “leave.”  
“Pardon?”  
“ _Leave._ ”

Xander does not need to be told again when he sees Camilla push herself out of her bed and hobble over to her axe, tracing a finger down its blade. It isn’t very sharp, but it’s enough to make a cut, and the message is very clear when she gives him that signature Camilla death glare as one of her hands caresses its handle.

He never gets the time to sit down and talk with Elise. She’s barely in the castle anymore, returning late at night only to sleep, and leaving early in the morning to head out. Leo goes with her more and more often now, and Camilla never leaves her room anymore, and Xander isn’t sure whether it’s because she has faith Leo will see Elise return safely or whether it’s because she’s lost all motivation whatsoever. His siblings are growing farther and farther away from him, and it strikes him as ironic that the thing he least wanted to be—distant—is now a word used just as often referring to him as his name.

It’s also ironic that when Xander finally finds himself _close_ to one of his siblings, it’s with his blade clashing against Corrin’s in battle, in the shadowed great hall of Castle Krakenberg, where it all began—and where it all would end. It’s even more ironic that his youngest sibling, the light in their dark kingdom, falls to his blade. She makes him promise to stop fighting, and to lead Nohr on with a gentle hand.  
She truly believes that he can go on without her, and that is perhaps the saddest thing.

He loses his will to fight, but he is the crown prince. Honorable. Idol. He cannot back down from a challenge, especially not one he has initiated.  
He must be honorable.

But before honor, before being an idol, comes family, and that is what he has failed. He has failed Camilla by letting Corrin leave, he has failed Leo by not understanding that all this time he was _making a mistake_ and that Corrin was truly _happy_ in Hoshido, he has failed Elise in...so many ways.  
He has failed Corrin in so many ways, too—the biggest failure of all being meeting her, his little princess, on the battlefield. Her comrades battle his at the other end of the hall, and it’s almost ironic that he sees Takumi facing Leo, Camilla facing Hinoka, and Ryoma defending Sakura as she heals a wounded pegasus knight, who thanks her briefly before he vanishes back into the fray of battle, his red ponytail disappearing amidst the clash of steel and bolts of magic surrounding them. She is close with her Hoshidan siblings, and unlike how he only hurt Elise, Ryoma is _protecting_ Sakura. They fight as one—as a family—and it reminds him of all the things he could have had with his siblings if he had just been able to set aside his rage for one second.

The days of “little princess” and training on the roofs of the Northern Fortress are long gone, and the memories of strolling down the bridge to the entrance of Castle Krakenberg with Elise rushing ahead of them are long gone, too. His bond with Corrin is also long gone, but it comes as a shock when Corrin still refers to him as “brother”.  
He thought he would’ve lost that title by now.

Before he fights, he gently places Elise’s body aside, closing her eyes for what he knows will be the final time. He doesn’t want her to see he and Corrin fighting, although he knows that Elise will not see again. Elise is gone.  
He draws his blade. He cannot fulfill Elise’s last wish, but he can stand as the final trial Corrin must face before facing King Garon, or Corrin will die trying—or he will. Either one will be preferable to what he’s left with now. If he kills Corrin, he can’t fulfill Elise’s wish to stop fighting, but he can lead Nohr with a gentle hand and with tears, like Elise wanted—if Corrin kills him, he has at least seen his little princess go from a helpless child to a full-grown warrior.  
He is proud, but he must meet her blade in battle regardless.

He falls to her blade.

He falls against the wall, bleeding from several wounds, and the pain is unbearable. He almost wishes he would die faster, and just get it over with. But perhaps this is his fate for how many lives he has taken, how many hearts he has broken. Perhaps this is his fate, because this is the same way he killed Elise. She collapses over him, her face pressed into his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck, sobbing. Across the hall, he sees their comrades stop fighting—Laslow has fallen to his knees with his head down, screaming and sobbing for his Lord Xander to just please _stay alive_ , but Xander can tell that Laslow knows in his heart that his liege is going to die. Selena and Odin, two of his siblings’ retainers, are trying desperately to calm him down, although they too are crying, emotionally shaken by just the thought of their beloved commander dying on them. Peri is sobbing, too, because the last thing she wants is for the one who accepted her to _die_. Xander watches as she throws her axe into the wall with all her might, where it forces its way into the cobblestone and stays there as a reminder of her heartbreak at the death of one she truly cared to protect and to serve. Leo is shouting as many incantations as he can remember and trying to save Xander’s life even though he learned dark magic, not healing magic, and Camilla is crying next to him with her hands on his shoulders, because both of them know he’s going to die and they can’t save him at this point. His army is in shambles, but they have stopped fighting, and so have the Hoshidan soldiers. It’s not in the way he would’ve liked, but for once, the two kingdoms are at peace.

He makes Corrin promise that she will keep fighting, that she will see her goal through to the end, before the world starts to spin and he can feel himself getting lightheaded. Just as the pain goes away and his vision fades to black, he manages to tell her that he is so proud of her, and that she finally did what she was never able to do—to stop holding back. He manages to be her older brother again in his final moment, and in that last moment, she is content to be his little princess.  
That’s really all he ever wanted, he realizes, just as the world fades away.

**Author's Note:**

> haha i literally cried while looking at the script for the xander chapter in birthright (chapter 26) on the wikia and this was partially inspired by a tumblr post about how elise really thought xander could go on without her bc she and the other siblings interpret him as distant. anyway i hope you guys liked this one!!


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